You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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