if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
