turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
