Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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