I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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