and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
