so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize