PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
