I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
