We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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