I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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