Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
