know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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