Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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