You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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