My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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