So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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