she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
