You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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