god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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