One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
