just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
