She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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