I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
