Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
