i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
