I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
