I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize