david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize