I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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