two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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