I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
