I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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