Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize