hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
