Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
