The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
