omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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