Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
