Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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