I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
