thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
