every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
