I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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