So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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