Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
