all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
