I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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