You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
