don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
