so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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