The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
