he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
