Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
