'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
