I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
