i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
