Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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