get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
