im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you told grandpa to call you daddy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
