Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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