Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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