then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
