If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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