Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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