Umm I'm too high to move.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
