she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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