What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
