That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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