You can't special order awesome
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
