you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
