Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
tequila makes me forget i have legs
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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