you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
