woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
