I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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