i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
