He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
People in love make me want to vomit
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
