hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
