i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
