you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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